Day #4

I’m in love with Daria.

It’s the best show I’ve ever seen. So much so that I even purchased the season set. That’s a massive level of commitment – especially for me. I barely watch TV as it is but Daria tugs on my heartstrings. Rampant satire just makes me go nuts.

Atlanta’s tomorrow. Then it’s studying and certifications and a new career and maybe a defined path to my life. For once. The gym awaits once I’m back from Atlanta. I’m excited for that too.

Who would’ve known that I’d go from deep in my depression to going places and living and learning, making friends and connections, rising above the squalor I subjected myself to. It was a struggle… but now it isn’t.

Day #2

Sometimes I still think I want him. And then I realize I really don’t. That’s when it ends.

You can feel it when it’s happening. They stop texting you as often. The enthusiasm leaves their voice. They leave you on read. Like sand leaving your grasp, an hourglass turned over.

A relationship. You wanted a relationship. The dreams are vivid at first but as the sand grains flow they turn grayscale and lose detail.

You begin to feel like an acquaintance when before every aspect of their life was known to you. Shared like you belonged.

I think it’s a graceful end.


It’s 2018. A new year, new beginnings.

I think it’s time to make significant change in my life. I can do so much more and be so much more.

Here are a few of my resolutions (in no specific order as they are all equally important to me):

  • I want to journal everyday. I want to hone my writing skill and get comfortable with expressing myself in the written word again.
  • I want to get more comfortable with myself and as such I’m going to take a picture of myself everyday.
  • I want to start bulking up. Physical fitness is just as important as mental fitness… not that I’m mentally fit in any real fashion.
  • I want to read everyday. From just a few pages to an entire chapter.
  • I want to go back to college. Education is key to my success.

I’m going to stick with all of those resolutions as closely as I can. I want 2018 to be the best year of my life thus far.


Journal #3

It’s amazing how quickly time passes when you live weekend to weekend. It’s been said time and time again, but time really does fly by as you grow older – and I’m only 19.

In other news, I’ve been looking for a second job. Extra money would be nice to pad my savings even further. I’ve found that most problems in life are solved by having a healthy emergency fund. Honestly, most problems you may encounter in life stem from a lack of funds. Car breaks down? No money, no repairs made. It’s as simple as that.

I’m ready to leave Kansas. Live anywhere else, do anything else. Hopefully the Air Force helps me in that endeavour. Friends come and go but I’ll always be able to find new ones wherever I end up.

Journal #2

… It’s been how long?

8 months?

Jeez, I’m bad with keeping commitments. That’s become terribly obvious to me. I figured since I paid almost $100 for another year of hosting this blog that I might as well use it again.

Honestly, life hasn’t really changed too much in the 8 months since my last journal entry. I’ve worked on my Associate’s degree. I’ve decided to switch to a full-time position as well as getting a second job.

It’s almost August, which means I’ll finally be eligible for any branch of the Armed Forces… obviously I’m going Air Force. It’s been a dream of mine for years. Now it’s finally coming to fruition.

I’ve got to get on the grind of going to the gym, but I don’t even know where to start. Usually I’m pretty internet savvy but there are so many different guides to workouts. All I want to do is get fit and tone up. MyFitnessPal, Sweatcoin, and Habitica are all apps that have been instrumental in my admittedly unyielding fitness journey thus far.

I’ll attempt to journal every couple of days. Post pictures, document my life. I’ve paid for this space, might as well use it.

Journal #1

Let’s just get to the point: it’s like I’ve been wrapped up in some kind of pervasive writer’s block for the past few years. I mean… come on, if I can’t even journal on a semi-regular basis, what’s an aspiring writer supposed to do? Write?

From what I’ve read on the internet, that’s actually true. To overcome writer’s block, I need to write my brains out. Explore every single snippet of life, uncover every detail, usurp any semblance of privacy, and drill down to the core of my very being.

One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I live for the dream. Some kind of idealization, a glittering sort of faint hope. I’ll become rich someday. Life will suddenly transform, terraformed with a Godly hand, into something much more enjoyable.

They say that you can’t buy happiness, but with ample financial padding you certainly have the tools to make yourself happy.

In short: a game plan, some semblance of a list, bullet points on paper, will help me ascend into my best self. Myself.